Ryerson is liberal, and they don’t know why

Satire

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If you’re happy and you’re liberal, clap your… feet?  

By Larry Heng

A 2017 poll by the Ryerson School of Journalism suggests that students at the university are just confused, so they are probably just going to vote liberal.

The poll, which surveyed over 560 Ryerson University students, recorded that a majority of students don’t know what the hell is going on with government today, but said they’re still going to be voting for the Ontario Liberal Party in 2018.

“Kathleen Wynne has done really horrible things to this province, really, really horrible things. I can’t even begin to explain what she’s done,” said Allison Smile, a third-year arts student who also said she’ll be voting Liberal.

Liberal supporters at Ryerson have made it evident they want to be heard on campus. It seems students have succumbed to modern and social liberalism ideologies over the past few years, and nobody really knows why.

“It has nothing to do with protests on Gould Street,” said Sabrina Collider, a second-year biology student, who has taken part in numerous protests on the university campus. “That’s for sure.”

Outside of Toronto, some Ontario universities see Ryerson students as pretentious, far-left hipsters.

Matt Pavusa, a second-year agriculture student at the University of Guelph, said Ryerson students are “metropolitan people who value multiculturalism and coexistence. Equality and that shit.”

Others universities don’t really care. Kassidy McMullin, a second-year nursing student at Western University said, “I literally know nothing about Ryerson other than the fact that it exists.”

Conservatives are spooked and hiding

On the other end of the political spectrum, conservative students at Ryerson are choosing to stay hidden in the what seems like the liberal apocalypse over the young university student demographic.

“I represent the Conservatives, but don’t tell anybody I represent them,” said a fourth-year social work student, whose name is being censored for security reasons. “If anybody knows I represent the Conservative Party, the liberal students might find me.”

With the provincial election around the corner, the Ontario Liberal Party can expect a higher rate of votes from confused university students at Ryerson.